The Apparition of 27 Mainway : Enigma

 

My grandmother supposedly died a young sweet girl in her prime, in her bloom. Her petals and fragrance had enticed the weirdo my grandfather was right into her court and she happily took him in in the hope of rehabilitating what she thought was a case of mistaken identity. The few people who knew my grandfather say Amara is the exact duplicate of my grandpa, save for the fact that she is now growing out of her weird ways since her son. After a blossoming relationship with my grandfather (though it was against her parents’ wishes), she fell pregnant and bore my father at eighteen. Soon after giving birth however, she mysteriously died and my grandfather took his son and took road. The esoteric nature of the death, the concealed streaks of the relationship’s enigmatic ways towards my father’s birth are nuances we choose to deliberate over in hushed voices. Soon after, my grandmother’s family perished in a freak accident and that was it. Funny enough, my grandfather seemingly had no history……. Enigmatic huh?
I regained my consciousness to a severe throb in my head. I felt I wanted to open my eyes but I just could not do it and I figured it must have been the head-ache but alas, I was wrong. In a few moments, sound tracking his actions with a soft, sincere though (bizarre humming) someone started moving around the room and later came into my direction to my mumbles of objection. I could not speak…. He came over and peeled tape off my eyes and mouth taking with him a few stubs of my developing facial hair. I moaned in pain but that is when I felt an even greater pang of pain in my arms. He went on to free the arms too which had apparently been tied together in a sadistic knot that almost made my hands turn blue. My eyes adjusted to the light of the room that apparently had more souls than I thought. A legion of the dark robed men was encircling us in our very house and my whole family was in the room, including Maria and Thomas.
“Verily verily these are the people,” a startling baritone said from the door, signalling the entrance of the most horrible man on the planet.
“Ita Lord,” the robed men chorused.
“Till when could they have hidden? Surely I say unto you all, you cannot flee from the Zeurists,” he said and laughed as he got into the room. His laugh was a rumbling noise that could irritate even the worst wooden mic contender for Idols. I hated him already though I had not seen his face yet……I could not see any face for they were all safely hidden in the shadows of their hoods but I am sure they were all ugly, grotesque men who found solace in the ugliness of their hearts.
Shrouded in the darkness of his heart and hood, the man laughed as he shifted his focus to Maria. I knew he was a freaky, heartless psycho by now and was not surprised when he ridiculously said, “ I see the family got together…..sweet reunion.”
It was not a reunion because till now, I was sure I had never met these animo-humanos , till now, I had never met men with hearts of stone, till now, I thought the freakiest thing the world had was ghosts and not delusional men who thought they had occultic clichés. Till now, I thought I had seen the worst. I obviously had not seen anything as ugly as what I saw when the man removed his hood to expose his grotesque bone structure, shadowed eyes and shrivelled lips that were so red that Rihanna would faint at the sight.
“Tawanda?,” my family chorused….. Amara, startled by what she saw, almost fainted. Fancying his recognition, basking in the horror it brought my family, the man let loose another sarcastic laugh. I believe my loud farting sounds better than that piece of gaggling he thought was a villain laugh. Maria remained unfazed though, poor Tari and I were so confused but Thomas was in an even worse position. I a sure he hated every moment of his life since the moment he barged into our room.
“Gagagagaaaa I see you took in the grandmother?” the loathsome man said in the most repugnant way ever, “ She must be enjoying her stay with the family.”
Maria rushed in to try to stop what she knew was an impending onslaught, “Tawanda, stop.”
“She did not tell you? Lucy? She didn’t tell you?” the man asked almost earnestly.
“I do not know her. I found her in my home last night, had never seen her. What is all this Tawanda? I thought you promised to just go away and protect your family from these monsters,” my mother pleaded to a murmur of objection from the “monsters”.
The man who apparently was closer to me than I thought ignored the family part and quickly said, “This is your mother-in-law. Ma, it seems you are no better than us after all. You lied to these people, maliciously manipulated your own family…….”
Okay……I hate it when grown men and women create an unnecessary scene….a soapie opera, a drama… I hate it. I hate men who want to prove things they do not know about other people. I hate it.
“Mr Tawanda or who-so-ever you call yourself, Maria is a good spirit who lurked in our backyard looking for closure. You know nothing about her and I do not appreciate your strange accusations. This family is not indebted to you in anyway and if you think you can justcome in here and start putting preposterous notions in our minds, you have something else coming. We won’t allow it. Maria was born in the early nineteen hundreds and my grandmother is a younger character, you obviously know nothing about dates and history…….go learn about carbon-dating and then come back,” I screamed out in a spirited effort to just stop this madness. He smiled and revealed his red teeth……Red teeth? Did I just say that and not sweat? Read teeth? Why would anyone have red teeth? Was it blood?
This was crazy. I felt nauseated by just this man’s sight. He was a bag of sarcasm, a bundle of irritation and the den of evil. He seemed to get an orgasmic high by making us all suffer. Masochist…. Sadist…. The devil’s son. I remember him lowering his voice but somehow making it even louder in my mind, he whispered but he screamed…..he was cool but burnt me with his infernal claim to be my father.
“I see you are just as spirited as your father….what courage. Lucy, I think my son is the next Leader of this good squad.”
“To hell with your squad,” my mother shouted hysterically and hurled tons of insults at the monster who claimed to be my father but I only got , “I wish I never married you,” to which the man laughed and retorted, “ It was the money and this is just its source.”

Okay, tell me I am dreaming. Tell me I am dead. Tell me something to assure me that every little hope of my life being a bright open book is still much alive. Tell me nothing has changed….tell me something. My mother married an evil devious son of the pits of hell for money, not to talk about how ugly he was. My mother gave birth to me and my siblings and triedto create a family with this man??? My ghost friend is supposedly my ghost grandmother……. I am sure she could have hit on me, what obscenity! I need respite……I need to die, I need to leave and not live….. I need a new storyline.

The Apparition of 27 Mainway : Surrounded

Did the name Tawanda have anything to do with the Zeurists? Now that I was thinking about it, I realised that Maria had almost always called me Tawanda. I tossed to the thought and realised that there was another figure in the bed apart from Tari….. In that faint moonlight that slid in through Tari’s windowless curtain, I noticed the silhouetted figure was actually very comfortable. I impulsively screamed as loud as I could. Startled by the defeaning soprano that replaced my normally sonorous tone, Tari and the silhouette jerked up. Tari jumped to switch on the lights just as my mother and Amara barged in.
With the lights on, I realised that it was just Thomas. After a few hours of dreaming about the “Zeurists”, I had forgotten about the spooked out Thomas who had fainted prior to that night. We had decided that he was to spend the night and my mother had allowed us the sleep-over without any questioning since Thomas was a regular by now. We did not tell her that Thomas had fainted or that he had seen a ghost in our room (Tari’s and mine). Poor boy had been so scared that after recovering he fell into a well deserved slumber that felt like a trance of sorts.

After the “FBI-style” entry, my mother froze. Her eyes fixed upon the hologramic figure that was Maria, she screamed for my aunt who swiftly rushed in, ready to fight the spiritual battle she later claimed to have been alerted of days prior to the confrontation. In the sixth gear of prayer already, she started praying without any cue. Thomas, mouth agap looked on in fear.
The window suddenly broke into pieces to a sharp, almost ultra-sonic shriek from Amara who for the first time ever looked genuinely scared. In somewhat of an instinctive reaction, I moved to the shattered window and my gaze landed on the line of androids….. Black robed men……in creepy hoods……faces obscured by the dark…. They belonged in 3D horrific films of the Zombie Apocalypse or Christian stories of cultistic conspiracies. Either way, I was scared out of my wits. But they looked like exact prototypes of the very first “glider” I saw at 27 Mainway.

There seemed to be a line of them that wound around the house.
“Maria, are those people here be……be…because of you,” I said in in a sotto voce. I was holding my manhood which had already let loose a gush of warm liquid that had already started pooling on the floor. I pinched my manhood in the hope that I was dreaming but I only got a sharp pang of pain in return. As surreal as it were, it was still real. Auntie Madumbe stopped her loud shouting in prayer and took cautious steps towards the window.
She whispered, “We are surrounded.”

The Apparition of 27 Mainway : Visitors from under

“What a snob,” I murmured.
Having lived in the Mainway area for years, I could safely say I was now as popular as I could ever wish to be. Though seemingly withdrawn, our neighbours were quite friendly once you managed to perforate through the barriers of skin colour and indeed very high security walls. Mainway was an almost entirely ”white surburb” as my friends called it and only once in a while would you see a disillusioned black who also thought she was white walk down the main street. (I say she for I did not care about the males, what benefit were they to me?) One of the few girls of colour who had substance was Casey, a slender beauty who was almost entirely unsociable though. She thought boys were always trying to hit on her and maybe thats the reason why my very first “Hie” was ignored. She had an overprotective family that made sure no boys lingered around her and when they could not follow her around, they made sure her little garrulous brat of a brother was with her. What a jerk that boy would be in a few years!
As I strutted along in our street on this fateful day, I saw her. She pretended not to notice me until I called…..actually, even that call was ignored and I had to run to her for some attention. Yes…she was indeed a snob.
“Hie where are you of to?” I asked, immediately trying to make conversation. She smiled at me and I felt an air of relief. Since Maria told me about killing, I was an insecure wretch. She had made me kill our cat as I solicited for the dark and I knew that I had to do better than a cat! In fact, that ghost only ended up her ghost pet! It did not help much.
“Well, I am just taking a walk around the area. I realised that I do not know anything about the area the hard way yesterday,” she said with a chuckle. I was surprised too….she was also this bright at times?
“Mmm where are your folks?” I immediately asked since I knew they’d never allow her to take unaccounted for walks in the streets.
With a slight smirk she just said, “Away….at least I get a little me-time.”
“They are a tard over-protective of their little angel I can see,” I said with a smile. After weeks of Maria depression, I finally had a moment! Maria had said I had to kill something she hated if she were to stay and as far as my knowledge went, she hated only death!
“Only girl-child, you know how it is!”
“Well, for some years I knew how it was till my little brother, Tari. He does not act like the diva I expected him to be though!”
She smiled again. Mmmmmm that smile! It had an insane resemblence to Maria’s last smile when we moved from my room. It was a blinding light that made my pupils dilate in amazement. Hmmm or maybe I just have a weakness with beautiful ladies!
She then asserted,” Sometimes parents make the little kids divas you know…spoiling them and all. Its not wise to give a kid his every desire lest he feels he is entitled to preferential treatment.”
I simply nodded. She was beauty and brains encapsulated! After moments of silence, we exchanged numbers, talked about music, movies and books, said our byes and I went back home.

The first call I made was to Thomas. He was the very first friend I had made in the Mainway area and he liked Casey. I had to boast a bit!
“Guess who is a blacksmith?” I said to him as soon as he picked my call. He knew what it meant and immediately shouted “WHAT?” in amazement.

Inspite of the joy the outside gave me, being in 27 Mainway depressed me. This whole prayer issue and killing was a mess. After my walks, I usually ignored Maria, the age-old ghost who made my life a graveyard of stress. Maybe letting her go was the best after all…. If she wanted killing, she would have to do it herself. When I walked into the room, she almost jumped out of her skin (lets just pretend like she had a skin for lack of better words). I was still and on the phone but I had also been startled by the reaction that I shouted “What now?” which also startled Thomas who responded by also asking “What?”. I immediately cut of the line.
“Tawanda, it is here. The Zeurists are here….they are in the area and we are all in trouble!” she moaned.
“Who the hell are the Zeurists? What are you talking about?”
“You will all die if you do not comply…..they killed my family and they will do the same to yours if you do not do as they want.”
Uhmmm okay, this ghost was going mental for sure. Did she think this was Twilight ot Vampire Diaries? What compliance? What Zeurists?
“Maria, get real, Zeuri whatevers are not here, I have not seen them. What are those anyway?”
She was disappointed that I did not understand her. She was. “Tawanda, this cult is going to rip Mainway. They did it ages ago and every fifty years they do it. They recruit people, they…….”
“Shhhhh calm down. Breath in and out,” I said in a bid to keep her quiet. She was not making any sense.
Now I did not know that Thomas had come running to my place and he simply barged in, saw the phantom……he fainted.

Of dirges and lullabies

“Tori, why did you do this to me? I love you my dear and your departure does not change anything.The son you left me is still very much alive and I am keeping him safe just as I promised,” his journal read.

We all still maintain that my brother had gone crazy weeks prior to his rather timely death. For the first time death made sense to me….he was in so much pain and only the dark angel could sooth him. Apocalyptic days became his present reality and while we doubted the the coming of the great of persecution, he lived them. Tori, my sister in law had left him in limbo. He was in an imbroglio he could never escape and our supercilious folks were quick to say he had offended the ancestors by marrying a white lady. “It is taboo,” they said.

“The pots you so cherished have been cleaned my love, I know it was you. And yester-night the baby just got quiet when the door creaked open ha-ha I know that was you again. Your love has survived the tomb and I am deeply grateful”
The day her contractions became more frequent and severe, we all got into the car with my father and drove to Inner City Hospital. My father was so drunk that he could not tell a B from an A but we had no option as my brother was away. We flew down Del Ray Lane and lo…..

“I can not say I want you to pass my love to that monster because he stole you from me…….but not for long la reina….not for long”
In the freak accident, my father died on the spot but Tori and I survived seemingly unhurt yet the pain ran deep. She super-humanly still gave birth to a still baby who had been shocked, battered and killed in the accident but gave up life at the sight. When she saw our little addition…..when she saw that he was a zero, a place holder, born a corpse, she let go. My brother lived in a world of his own where his son survived but of course, dad killed his wife. I have a deep, sharp and unpredictable pain I endure every cloudy day since the accident. The pain runs deep…..

“I am now coming…………Our son is gone, I have nothing to live for anymore”
After two good weeks of total insanity, my brother killed himself. The pain runs deep…..yes it does but I know with this pain I feel, I will join him soon…..

The Apparition of 27 Mainway: Kill (The firelight oxymoron)

The melancholy was so heavy that one could almost slice it with a knife.
“Even if the lights go out,
We’ve got mistletoe and firelight
On this cold December night,” ran the tune I softly sang. She looked at me. Lugubrious does not even get close to describing the sadness in her teary eyes.
“Please stop,” she whispered. I had been pretending to look outside the window, pretending she was just another oblivious element of Tari’s over-furnished room. However, whenever she was near, I became an overbearing fool, overconscious of my actions and saying she was in oblivion at the time would be the furthest from truth anyone could get at the time.
In that pretense still, I sang one last line, “You are so beautiful, I only hope you’d see what I see.” This was as insensitive as I could get. Maria did not have a reflection anymore, she was no longer a real earthly entity anymore. She broke down in her tears that happened to prompt a sad whistle in the wind. We went back to the awkward silence I had broken by singing the sad tune save for the fact that this time, Maria was in tears. I got closer to her and tried to pat her but my hands went right through her hologramic body. These were the times I wished she was alive. Realising my hands were tied, I failed to hold back the tears. They cascaded uncontrollably and I went to my corner. At least no one was at home…..

I now blame myself for not noticing. See, the Madumbes had stamped their arrival by conducting daily evening prayers. What I did not see however was the repeated and ritualistic prayers’ effects on Maria who stayed behind in Tari’s room when I went for the prayers. She grew paler by the day and Tari even said something about it to me but I told him that ghosts did not get sick. Yes, Tari now knew since we now stayed in his room. Poor boy had freaked out at first but he got used to the idea after a while.
“The light is getting too much,” Maria finally said. I did not make much of it and I quickly closed the curtains.
“No, Tonderai. No! You don’t get it, I have to leave.”
“What?” came my simple response. I was so baffled by the shot from the blue that I fell short for words.
“Those prayers are sucking back into the tunnel of light and each day it gets worse. I am not ready to go yet. I have to find what I came back for first,” she desperately said and finished it all off,”I will have to leave.”
“Uhm, if I may ask, what is this tunnel again?” I inquired. I was drowning in the ocean of desperation and frustration. She could not leave. She explained it all. How could a tunnel of light steal the only thing that made my world shine bright? I had not yet told her how much she meant to me. I had not told her how important her lifeless being was to my “lifeful” form. Her ghostly self and me……… How could she leave? If the dark was what she needed to remain here, I would find Darkness and bring her home.
“Even if the lights go out, we’ve got mistletoe and firelight……….”
The tune still played havoc with my mind and it began to make sense. It was an oxymoron, the lights were going out for me but I did not need the firelight, I had to let the dark remain to keep her here.
“How do we summon the dark, Maria?” I earnestly asked.
“You will never be able to do it, Tonde, let it go”
“Just tell me,” I desperately probed.
“Kill.”

Biko naaaaah, please just call

When I look at you, I go take a road trip woooooooh. You dey make me dey crazy and I no go fight it cause I can’t. Your smile go make your red lips look so yummy like fufu. You my jelove rice, you go be the death of me. To sit and wait for your call is so so hard my amaka, my palm wine, my pounded cassava. Why don’t you just call and free my heart from this bondage naaaaah……Biko my better half, please join your heart with mine wooooh, I need you.
When I asked for your number, you dey give me power line label and last week, you gave me 0775 only and said I should get some money first before I think of getting the rest of your number. Just yesterday you took my number and said you will call me instead. Eyiiiiiiiiii my Naija sunrise, you made me sooooo happy that I no go sleep wooooo. My oga be surprised naaah when he saw me this morning smiling abd looking at my phone. Why don’t you call and make my day even more beautiful dear Amaka Amalichamwa, the goddess, the oracle of beauty. I know I will get you some day and I go marry you wooooo. Just you wait and see….IF I HAVE TO USE CONCORTION, SO BE IT……Biko naaaah, please just call and set me free.

Buhahahahaha

Buhahahahahahahahahah

I have been practising my evil laugh…………

When you gave me the greenlight, when you said yes to my proposal, I was ecstatic. I smiled when I did not want to. I had to literally pull back my lips to their place as I could not fight it…..my lips could not fight the war alone. You said you would learn to love me, you would try your best to love me…..you would….you would. It was still better than nothing I guess.

I was stripped of my defences. I  had not met love before, but she had, I had not felt it before but she had. She knew all the tricks in the game. She knew the perfect cheating codes, the perfect game strategies: the paramount being how to wipe me dry…..how to visciously devour the little student allowance I had for my upkeep. She was the guru, the fundi, what could I say?

After sweeping me clean, taking me for a ride, she told me she did not love me. She never did….she never would. She crushed my heart into a watery pulp of heartache…..she corroded my faith with her vitriolic deception…She dashed my hopes of a first meaningful kiss. I now know that Hollywood will stay Hollywood,the Sandra Bullock kisses, the booms , the explosions of emotion are just a farce. I do not believe in love anymore.

Dear Sheila, I have been waiting for you to find a man who takes you for a ride and drops you like you are a hot potato. I have been waiting to see you cry, to see you have your dose of insomnia, I HAVE PRACTISED DEARIE FOR THIS MOMENT. Like a mad scientist I can now scream, ITS ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Yes, karma is alive. Come buy some tissues at my new heart ache store, somewhere near emotional Armageddon. BUHAHAHAHAHAHAH, isn’t my evil villain laugh just perfect? I know, right? Wahahahahahah buhahahaha ITS ALY……………………..VE.

The Apparition of 27 Mainway : Maria……….

Somedays I would wake up to her immaculate but faint and hologramic face. She never smiled to at least calm my raging nerves. Her name, Maria, Date of birth; 24 September 1903 and Date of death 25 December 1921. Five years prior, she was the very hologram that made me vow to never watch Ghostbusters again after the freak encounter in the backyard. How we ended up becoming sort of friends is a story I would rather not tell now as it took three more pant-wetting encounters, screams of blue-whale proportions and a number of nightmares. She was the secret of my room.

“Who were you talking to?” came the chilling question. I could not tell my mother that I had been talking to a ghost in my room, she would instantly get me admitted in a mental institute. Everyone darted glances reeking of suspiscion. Amara knew, Tarirai seemed confused while Amanda, Amara’s five year old daughter and my mother were genuinely in the dark.
I cleared my throat. Silence……
“Just a friend on the phone,” I said and quickly looked at Amara for a nod of approval which she subtly gave me. Yes, it was officially a good lie!
“Anyway, the Madumbes are coming over for the holidays so I need you to clean up your room and move in with Tarirai. No underwear on the floor or in that stinky closet,” my mother said and everyone chuckled. My room? I could not let anyone in there. First of all, I would never clean up in time and my secret was supposed to stay as such. Auntie Florence Madumbe was said to be a renowned prophetess in South Africa where they stayed and if that was anything close to the truth, I was going to be busted for sure.
“Why can’t they move into Tari’s room?” I beggingly asked. My mother simply pulled the iron look and I found myself running to clean up.

I broke the news to Maria. We would have to move. My million dollar question was, “Do you ghosts leave any sort of residue that alerts psychic folks of your presence?” It was an honest question. For the first time she smiled at me. Hers was a brilliant smile that made the whole room sparkle. I saw sparks flying and felt like I was bungee jumping, plunging from the famous Victoria Falls bridge into the unknown. I knew she was a beautiful figure, I just did not know that she had any effect on me what-so-ever let alone that kind of effect.
She did not answer. She simply helped me clean up. I forgot that I had even asked the question anyway. What was this? A thudding heart, beads of sweat, butterflies…..she had just set me off in tiny sparks. Maria……….

The Apparition of 27 Mainway Prologue

I told them, I told them, I told them but no one believed me. Mom, Amara, Amanda and Tarirai all ignorantly brushed me aside yet I was genuinely informing them that their nerves would soon be exposed to phantom energy.
The very day we moved into 27 Mainway, I heard something move in the night. I vehemently hold to the belief that I saw a shadowy figure glide in the backyard, look at my window and disappear into the night. I was so scared that my blood almost boiled with trepidation and raw fear. No one believed me though. They all blamed my obssession with ghost hunter programs for the “illusions” and ignored my story. Even Tariro who used to be a loyal believer of my stories did not route for me. They said it was a hallucination (Amanda obviously came up with that because she loves showing everyone just how learned she is).

The backyard was a large, bushy area with thick undergrowth that made it hard to manoeuvre. I felt that a snake encounter might be the best thing that could befall anyone in that creepy patch as I expected worse. Two weeks after seeing the shadowy apparition, I still wanted to prove my family wrong. I took to the bushes of our backyard to see what was really behind the colossal 27 Mainway. Amanda had hammered it into everyone’s mind that I had seen a tree and my overactive imagination had simulated a gliding animation of an android et cetera et cetera. She had left me dumbstruck with the showy words and I failed to dispute. I just nodded to protect my pride and prevent a lecture on the importance of education. I had had enough of those. I wanted to rescue my pride though and proving that there was no tree of similar proportions to what I saw would obviously refute Amanda’s insults about schizophrenic dementia (whatever that is).

She was a faint hologram with a glow that was exaggerated by the sunlight. Her presence made my hair stand erect (or at least that is how I felt). I tried to fight the natural urge to speed in retreat but I found myself literally flying over the thick undergrowth towards the house. I had told them. Exactly two weeks after the first glider, I saw another supernatural figure. We had moved from the maddening crowd of Rochester suburb to the phantoms of 27 Mainway. Ghosts are so much fun in films but direct confrontations will make even the finest of men wet their pants. Of course I am a fine man but I could not stop the waters of fear from gushing. (I hope the ladies do not hold that against me!) I had to change my pants before anyone saw me but lo………….